November 18, 2007

"Evan, you lost both your front teeth this week?"
"Uh-huh, both of 'em!"
"How did you lose the second one?"
"My Daddy knocked it out."

I am expecting a knock on the door from social services any day now. That's right, I knocked out Evan's other front tooth. How did I do it? I hit him in the face with the cable remote. The full story is a little less interesting. If there is any day of the week that I am likely to take a nap after work, it would be on Thursday. I am usually wiped out for the week by then. Now I don't nap every Thursday, mind you, but some I just can't help it and will basically pass out. There I was, on the couch, Evan in the office playing a video game. After he finished putting down the rebellion on Yavin 4, or something, he comes out to the living room (where I am sleeping) and asks, "Daddy, do you want to play a board game?" "No Evan, I am trying to nap." "Can I put on Mario Brothers video?" "No Evan, I am listening to the TV." "Daddy, can you..." "Evan, can't I just take a short nap?!?!" Much to my surprise, Evan proceeds to climb on me. I get up off the couch, exasperated and toss the remote control back onto the couch from the end I was laying on. Needless to say, I turned around when I heard the remote hit Evan in the mouth. The look of shock on Evan's face was priceless. It would become even more surprised once he saw his tooth fall from his mouth. At this point he began to cry, but it would get worse once he began to rinse his mouth and saw the blood. He was nearly irreconcilable.

But that was not all the excitement for Thursday, oh no. About 10pm as I am at work in the office, I hear the cat's scrambling around the kitchen and then into the living room. I come out to see Jessie with a live mouse in her mouth. If you don't have a cat, then you don't know that the plan of a cat isn't to actually kill the mouse, it is to play with it, in a sort of Lenny from Of Mice and Men kind of way. Ultimately the mouse will die, but not because the cats want it dead, but because they will play with it until it can take no more prancing around the house in their teeth. In these situations, the goal for me is to catch the mouse myself, take it outside, and throw it into the neighbor's yard, where it will hopefully become their problem. Always, fun.


Did you think that was all there could be on a Thursday? If you did, then you would be wrong. Back in February of 2006, I wrote a commentary on both Barry Bonds and Ricky Williams and their uncanny ability to further tarnish their respective sports (see "Hang It Up! Please!"). Surprisingly, 20 months later both make top sports headlines. Barry Bonds has been indicted on 4 counts of Perjury and 1 count of Obstruction of Justice and could face up to 30 years in prison if convicted and Ricky Williams has been reinstated by the NFL and can now begin practicing with his old team, the Miami Dolphins (who would welcome anyone to save their hapless season, they are now 0-10). So far, I have gotten half of my wish, it doesn't look like Barry Bonds will play baseball ever again. And we'll see how long Ricky Williams can go before testing positive for drugs again.