May 25, 2007

It is a hard thing to say, but this morning, Michelle's mom passed away. Emotions are mixed as we will all miss her more than we can say, yet we are relieved that she no longer has to suffer and fight her cancer. What gives me comfort is knowing that she isn't sick and more. She will always be with us, in our heart and our minds and memories.

May 23, 2007

I love and hate the end of the school year. As the year winds down, the pressure cranks up. More and more pressure to make sure all our deadlines are met. Whew, it is exhausting. But one thing is for sure, in another couple of weeks it will be all over, one way or another.

Evan's birthday is next week and his birthday party is next weekend. I wish I wasn't so busy with school. I need to make the invitations. I will have time to make them this weekend, but Michelle wants to send them before the weekend. It is already Wednesday night, that deadline is drawing way too close.

Michelle hasn't told me anything about her mom today. She must be tired of talking about it. Art's cousin Susan and sister Bernice arrived this afternoon. Some more company with Marsha's brother Bruce. Kim visited for an overnighter from Atlanta Monday to Tuesday.

Despite all of what is going on and the inevitable approaching, if I step back and think about it, I know what is going to happen and yet it doesn't feel real. More surreal. Like I am watching a movie in my head, that this type of thing only happens on We Network or Oh! Network shows. I don't know. I guess like Evan, intuitively I know what is going on, but it won't really hit me until I see Art and no Marsha. Recently, I have been gathering lots of memories in my head. I will share them one day.

May 22, 2007

It seems that the road for Michelle's mom is getting shorter and the next part of the journey for the family is right around the bend. It is going to be a very difficult time, more difficult than it is now? I don't know. But difficult nonetheless. Grieving is not easy, but it is necessary. What makes it even more difficult is that everyone does it in their own way. So it is hard to try to help someone when you may not understand how it is they are grieving. The most important thing is to be observant, considerate, and available. It takes care to pick up the signs and signals of what a person can do to help one who is grieving.

I thought this was interesting. Evan today had a speaker in class. It was a nurse from WakeMed. The class received a coloring book that shows th parts of the hospital and it was accompanied by a video about the hospital. Why did I think it was so interesting? I had not heard of there being a speaker of this type planned for the class. I am wondering if this isn't an effort by the counselor at Evan's school to try and make things more comfortable for him and the other students in the class. That is, the counselor may not know that Evan's grandma is in not in the hospital but requested a visit in case Evan needed to go see her in a hospital. This way he would not have to be frightened by the experience. Or, I could just be reaching too far and this was scheduled.

May 20, 2007

Good Evening. Not too much today, at least here in North Carolina. This morning we caught a 11:30 movie: Shrek the Third. It was funny. Animated movies are now using a lot of well placed music to help entertain the parents.

Michelle's uncle Bruce arrived today in Maine from California. He had just arrived there from Michigan to welcome the arrival of another grandchild, congratulations! I am not sure how long he is planning on staying in Maine. Michelle's mom had a few visitors today, including the hospice nurse. Michelle commented on how amazing it is to see how her mom conducts herself when there are "outsiders" around. According to Michelle, she sits up, greets, and converses with them. Last night, however, Michelle said that her mom was unable to swallow. I am not sure if that is the case for today.

We are doing our best to hold things together here. It shouldn't be as difficult. My stomach has been in knots for most of the day. I am sure it is stress, but from the pressures of the end of the school year, or from Marsha and her cancer, or from all things that are coming soon, including Evan's birthday party. Or maybe just a combination of all of them.

Today was interesting, the Jerry Springer show that are my neighbors across the street had another shouting match in the yard. I could not understand before why the girl keeps coming back to the abusive relationship, but today I found out why. She has no place to go. From her rants today when the guy was telling her to leave, she was shouting back that she had no place to go. She was trying to call her father, but I do not think with much success. When we got back from showing mom how to get to and from Evan's school, there were two police cars and they were talking to the sister. Later on this evening, the couple had returned, and despite how dark it was, I was able to recognize his shouting voice and her crying. So I had had it, I called the police again. I don't know if there was anything physical going on, but I am tired of the two of them shouting, arguing, and the movements of fear from the girl. And I will call the police from now on everytime there is a shouting match. The last thing I want to happen is someone get seriously hurt because I was too slow to call the authorities for help.

May 19, 2007

Good Morning, even though it is May 20, I want to mention about yesterday. I was too busy and then tired to write yesterday.

Picked my mom up at the airport. I am so very grateful for her and volunteering to help out here while Michelle is with her family. Joe had a birthday party yesterday, it was a lot of fun. Hehad a hugh bounce house for the kids to play in. And there were a LOT of kids, it was great. Mom chose to go to see my brother and his family across town instead of coming to the birthday party. So that was fun for her, instead of sitting at a birthday party with people she really doesn't know.

There was a bit of news from Michelle, but I won't tell until I can confirm what it means.

May 18, 2007

Michelle has returned to Maine. The outlook is bleak but Michelle is there not so much for her mom who needs to be made comfortable, but for her dad and sister who need support. Hospice will be coming to the house, and a hospital bed has been rented. On Tuesday, the Radiation Oncologist said that radiation would not do any good, at this point, they are out of options for treatment. She should be taken home, made comfortable where the amount of sleep will increase until she won't wake up. How long will the process take? A doctor can never be totally sure, but the are suggesting somewhere in the neighborhood of 1-2 weeks. At this point it is a waiting game, and that is the hardest game of all. Fortunately, my mom has agreed to come and stay with Evan and I until my school year is over - 3 more weeks. With regard to my schoolwork, it will be a tremendous help to have her here. It isn't that I can not take care of Evan, the problem is mostly about taking him to school in the morning as well as my having enough time to take care of school work.

Today was another rather average day at school. The excitment was "Awards Day." There is an awards assembly which the entire school can watch on TV and there are a few awards that teachers give in class. The kids like it.

Everywhere I went to day I was asked about my foot. I am using a crutch to walk so that I can keep wait off of my bunion so it can heal. But the crutch is a the equivalent to wearing a neon sign that says "Ask me 'what happened?'" The concern seems genuine enough, but if I had a dime for everytime I heard that question today, I could fill my van up with gas! ($3.00/gal, how absurd?!?!)

We were scheduled to see my brother and his family after dinner today, but instead he called and invited us to their regular Friday dinner with his wife's parents. Which was very nice, and the time was right - early! What was also very nice was the Katie's mom paid for dinner for both Evan and I. Very generous, thank you!

May 16, 2007

It has been a few days, and much has happened.

1) Tuesday, I was called out on the carpet for something I said in one of my classes on Monday. I know I should not have said those things out loud, but in the emotion of the moment, it came out. My frustration at the class as well as passion for teaching led me to use the word "hell" in the classroom. In my opinion, not as bad as it could have been, and definitely not as bad as the words the students use and hear on a regular basis. My guess, it shocked a student to the point of telling their parents who then called the principal, who was less than happy to hear about it. As a result, I had to hear about it. Although he threatened me beyond what he could actually do, I got his point. I did contact my professional organization for advice and I submitted an "incident statement" to my file to accompany the principal's statement. Hopefully this is the last I will hear about it. The consultant from my professional organization also asked if I would be willing to got to REAP, which is a counseling type of thing, because of my frustrations with the classes. I said I had thought about it in the past and would be willing to try.

2) I must have hurt my foot while playing lasertag on Saturday because my bunion is killing me! It has gotten to the point where today I started walking with a crutch. It dis feel better this morning when I woke up, so we will see what happens tomorrow morning.

3) Michelle returned from Maine today. Hurt heart is torn, she know she wants to be here with Evan and me, but she feels that she needs to be with her mom and dad. She is afraid that her mom will pass and she won't be there. I told her today, that this is the hardest part, waiting. They are at a point where all they can really do is try and make her mom comfortable. I also told her that I know what I am going to say may not help, but unfortunately this happens to eveyone, the passing of a loved one, and everyone makes it, and so will she. It will be difficult until then and immediately after, but she will make it. I am going to suggest to her that her dad stays with us for a while after her mom passes. I couldn't imagine him living in their house in Maine that they bought together in the last few years knowing that one day this would all happen. The memories would tear him apart. I know that this is a big burden to put on Evan, but he would be a big pill for Michelle's dad when the time comes. We'll see. That day isn't here, and I don't want to put the cart before the horse.

"The issue of facing death in a peacful manner is a very difficult one. According to common sense there seem to be two ways of dealing with the problem and the suffering. The first is simply trying to avoid the problem, to put it out of your mind, even though the reality of that problem is stil there and it is not minimized. Another way of dealing with this issue is to look directly at the problem and analyse it, make it familiar to you, and make it clear that it is a part of all our lives." - His Holiness, the Dalai Lama