May 25, 2007

It is a hard thing to say, but this morning, Michelle's mom passed away. Emotions are mixed as we will all miss her more than we can say, yet we are relieved that she no longer has to suffer and fight her cancer. What gives me comfort is knowing that she isn't sick and more. She will always be with us, in our heart and our minds and memories.

May 23, 2007

I love and hate the end of the school year. As the year winds down, the pressure cranks up. More and more pressure to make sure all our deadlines are met. Whew, it is exhausting. But one thing is for sure, in another couple of weeks it will be all over, one way or another.

Evan's birthday is next week and his birthday party is next weekend. I wish I wasn't so busy with school. I need to make the invitations. I will have time to make them this weekend, but Michelle wants to send them before the weekend. It is already Wednesday night, that deadline is drawing way too close.

Michelle hasn't told me anything about her mom today. She must be tired of talking about it. Art's cousin Susan and sister Bernice arrived this afternoon. Some more company with Marsha's brother Bruce. Kim visited for an overnighter from Atlanta Monday to Tuesday.

Despite all of what is going on and the inevitable approaching, if I step back and think about it, I know what is going to happen and yet it doesn't feel real. More surreal. Like I am watching a movie in my head, that this type of thing only happens on We Network or Oh! Network shows. I don't know. I guess like Evan, intuitively I know what is going on, but it won't really hit me until I see Art and no Marsha. Recently, I have been gathering lots of memories in my head. I will share them one day.

May 22, 2007

It seems that the road for Michelle's mom is getting shorter and the next part of the journey for the family is right around the bend. It is going to be a very difficult time, more difficult than it is now? I don't know. But difficult nonetheless. Grieving is not easy, but it is necessary. What makes it even more difficult is that everyone does it in their own way. So it is hard to try to help someone when you may not understand how it is they are grieving. The most important thing is to be observant, considerate, and available. It takes care to pick up the signs and signals of what a person can do to help one who is grieving.

I thought this was interesting. Evan today had a speaker in class. It was a nurse from WakeMed. The class received a coloring book that shows th parts of the hospital and it was accompanied by a video about the hospital. Why did I think it was so interesting? I had not heard of there being a speaker of this type planned for the class. I am wondering if this isn't an effort by the counselor at Evan's school to try and make things more comfortable for him and the other students in the class. That is, the counselor may not know that Evan's grandma is in not in the hospital but requested a visit in case Evan needed to go see her in a hospital. This way he would not have to be frightened by the experience. Or, I could just be reaching too far and this was scheduled.

May 20, 2007

Good Evening. Not too much today, at least here in North Carolina. This morning we caught a 11:30 movie: Shrek the Third. It was funny. Animated movies are now using a lot of well placed music to help entertain the parents.

Michelle's uncle Bruce arrived today in Maine from California. He had just arrived there from Michigan to welcome the arrival of another grandchild, congratulations! I am not sure how long he is planning on staying in Maine. Michelle's mom had a few visitors today, including the hospice nurse. Michelle commented on how amazing it is to see how her mom conducts herself when there are "outsiders" around. According to Michelle, she sits up, greets, and converses with them. Last night, however, Michelle said that her mom was unable to swallow. I am not sure if that is the case for today.

We are doing our best to hold things together here. It shouldn't be as difficult. My stomach has been in knots for most of the day. I am sure it is stress, but from the pressures of the end of the school year, or from Marsha and her cancer, or from all things that are coming soon, including Evan's birthday party. Or maybe just a combination of all of them.

Today was interesting, the Jerry Springer show that are my neighbors across the street had another shouting match in the yard. I could not understand before why the girl keeps coming back to the abusive relationship, but today I found out why. She has no place to go. From her rants today when the guy was telling her to leave, she was shouting back that she had no place to go. She was trying to call her father, but I do not think with much success. When we got back from showing mom how to get to and from Evan's school, there were two police cars and they were talking to the sister. Later on this evening, the couple had returned, and despite how dark it was, I was able to recognize his shouting voice and her crying. So I had had it, I called the police again. I don't know if there was anything physical going on, but I am tired of the two of them shouting, arguing, and the movements of fear from the girl. And I will call the police from now on everytime there is a shouting match. The last thing I want to happen is someone get seriously hurt because I was too slow to call the authorities for help.

May 19, 2007

Good Morning, even though it is May 20, I want to mention about yesterday. I was too busy and then tired to write yesterday.

Picked my mom up at the airport. I am so very grateful for her and volunteering to help out here while Michelle is with her family. Joe had a birthday party yesterday, it was a lot of fun. Hehad a hugh bounce house for the kids to play in. And there were a LOT of kids, it was great. Mom chose to go to see my brother and his family across town instead of coming to the birthday party. So that was fun for her, instead of sitting at a birthday party with people she really doesn't know.

There was a bit of news from Michelle, but I won't tell until I can confirm what it means.

May 18, 2007

Michelle has returned to Maine. The outlook is bleak but Michelle is there not so much for her mom who needs to be made comfortable, but for her dad and sister who need support. Hospice will be coming to the house, and a hospital bed has been rented. On Tuesday, the Radiation Oncologist said that radiation would not do any good, at this point, they are out of options for treatment. She should be taken home, made comfortable where the amount of sleep will increase until she won't wake up. How long will the process take? A doctor can never be totally sure, but the are suggesting somewhere in the neighborhood of 1-2 weeks. At this point it is a waiting game, and that is the hardest game of all. Fortunately, my mom has agreed to come and stay with Evan and I until my school year is over - 3 more weeks. With regard to my schoolwork, it will be a tremendous help to have her here. It isn't that I can not take care of Evan, the problem is mostly about taking him to school in the morning as well as my having enough time to take care of school work.

Today was another rather average day at school. The excitment was "Awards Day." There is an awards assembly which the entire school can watch on TV and there are a few awards that teachers give in class. The kids like it.

Everywhere I went to day I was asked about my foot. I am using a crutch to walk so that I can keep wait off of my bunion so it can heal. But the crutch is a the equivalent to wearing a neon sign that says "Ask me 'what happened?'" The concern seems genuine enough, but if I had a dime for everytime I heard that question today, I could fill my van up with gas! ($3.00/gal, how absurd?!?!)

We were scheduled to see my brother and his family after dinner today, but instead he called and invited us to their regular Friday dinner with his wife's parents. Which was very nice, and the time was right - early! What was also very nice was the Katie's mom paid for dinner for both Evan and I. Very generous, thank you!

May 16, 2007

It has been a few days, and much has happened.

1) Tuesday, I was called out on the carpet for something I said in one of my classes on Monday. I know I should not have said those things out loud, but in the emotion of the moment, it came out. My frustration at the class as well as passion for teaching led me to use the word "hell" in the classroom. In my opinion, not as bad as it could have been, and definitely not as bad as the words the students use and hear on a regular basis. My guess, it shocked a student to the point of telling their parents who then called the principal, who was less than happy to hear about it. As a result, I had to hear about it. Although he threatened me beyond what he could actually do, I got his point. I did contact my professional organization for advice and I submitted an "incident statement" to my file to accompany the principal's statement. Hopefully this is the last I will hear about it. The consultant from my professional organization also asked if I would be willing to got to REAP, which is a counseling type of thing, because of my frustrations with the classes. I said I had thought about it in the past and would be willing to try.

2) I must have hurt my foot while playing lasertag on Saturday because my bunion is killing me! It has gotten to the point where today I started walking with a crutch. It dis feel better this morning when I woke up, so we will see what happens tomorrow morning.

3) Michelle returned from Maine today. Hurt heart is torn, she know she wants to be here with Evan and me, but she feels that she needs to be with her mom and dad. She is afraid that her mom will pass and she won't be there. I told her today, that this is the hardest part, waiting. They are at a point where all they can really do is try and make her mom comfortable. I also told her that I know what I am going to say may not help, but unfortunately this happens to eveyone, the passing of a loved one, and everyone makes it, and so will she. It will be difficult until then and immediately after, but she will make it. I am going to suggest to her that her dad stays with us for a while after her mom passes. I couldn't imagine him living in their house in Maine that they bought together in the last few years knowing that one day this would all happen. The memories would tear him apart. I know that this is a big burden to put on Evan, but he would be a big pill for Michelle's dad when the time comes. We'll see. That day isn't here, and I don't want to put the cart before the horse.

"The issue of facing death in a peacful manner is a very difficult one. According to common sense there seem to be two ways of dealing with the problem and the suffering. The first is simply trying to avoid the problem, to put it out of your mind, even though the reality of that problem is stil there and it is not minimized. Another way of dealing with this issue is to look directly at the problem and analyse it, make it familiar to you, and make it clear that it is a part of all our lives." - His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

May 13, 2007

Evan is such a champ! It has been a month since me and the guys have been able to get together and play dungeons and dragons. So we decided to take a chance and bring Evan along. We thought we would only play for a few hours, instead we played for seven and he was great. We packed a few things for him to play and do, but he got to try an X-Men game for the X-Box 360. He had fun, and we had a chance to play some D&D. Thanks Evan.

Well, Happy Mother's Day, for what it is worth. Michelle is with her mom this weekend, too bad the circumstances aren't better. In fact she had to be taken to the ER today. Atthis point, I don't know what to think. I only pray for the best, whatever that might be. I do know this, I have to be strong while embracing my emotions. It is going to be difficult for the next x-months, but it will be done.

May 12, 2007

The day went by a lot quicker than I thought. Evan had the idea to go play lasertag. So we called Peter and the boys and headed up to Frankie's. But first we went to Golden Corral with Keith and Mercer. I can tell my patience is wearing thin, Evan was just being his usual self and I couldn't take it. I don't know what I am going to do. I must look for inner strength.

We got to Frankie's at about 1pm or so. I had never been there but there is a ton of things to do there! We thought we would start with miniature golf, but that got rained out after we finished 6 holes, so they gave us a rain check. Then we went inside. I took Evan and Chris to play lasertag while Pete kept Brendan entertained. The boys loved playing. We were the Yellow team twice and both time we crushed the Blue team. I am sure we will go back some time.

Evan and I had an early dinner of Wendy's and Chik-fil-a shakes, then Evan discovered Pee Wee Herman movies on HBO, so we watched Big Top Pee Wee and Pee Wee's Big Adventure. He was entertained. So, like I said, the day went by a lot quicker than I anticipated, we kept busy.

May 11, 2007

Day three sans Michelle, and I am beginning to lose my patience. It doesn't take much for Evan to get under my skin. I know it isn't fair to him, I need to find a solution.

I had a student today who decided to give me an attiude about the homework. When I was collecting the homework, I saw that many students were unable to complete the front page. I made a comment to the class and began to read the directions. While reading the directions, she interrupted me in such a way, as if I was wrong for expecting them to understand the directions. Well, in my opinion, besides the directions seeming self-explanatory to me, I continued by reminding them that I explained the directions yesterday when I handed out the homework. And that it was their fault if they didn't pay attention or ask me a question when I was going over it. I also explained that no matter how big an attitude any student thought they could have, I assured them that I can get an attitude bigger than anything they had ever experienced.

Needless to say, today was a little disappointing for a Friday.

May 10, 2007

Well, not to much an average day. At least the way it started. Thanks to Dan and Dr. Gainey, who understands my situation, I was able to arrive at school today 5 minutes before 2nd period. That is, 5 minutes before my first class begins. With Michelle out of town, I am wholly responsible for making sure Evan gets to school. And as I mentioned yesterday, Dan is helping out with that. (Again, many thanks!) But I had to wait until Dan arrived before I could leave. Once I got to school, and the day got started, it was business as usual.

However, I hace a student in my 3rd period (9th grade World History) who could not keep his mouth shut today. Every chance he got he had something to say, and it was always at the wrong time and not at all related to the lesson. Finally, after trying to ignore him, I told him that if I heard another word from him, that I would have escorted out of the class (implying by an assistant principle). I folowed up with "you have used all of your words for the day!" I thought that was kind of entertaining while still getting to the point.

We also received more bad news. The cancer has spread to Michelle's mom's cerebellum. She will undergo 10 straight days of radiation, but all it will do is prolong the inevitable, which, unfortunately is a lot sooner than we all would like. Michelle says that her mom seems to be "Ok" with it (for as "Ok" you could be), but it is her Dad and sister she worries most about. We'll see. Everything happens for a reason, right? It is not our place to ask why, no answer will come. We must teach ourselves how to cope with these things. It goes back to my quote from Monday, May 07. Basically, whatever it is, if it doesn't kill us, it will make us stronger. And we will have to be. This is going to be a time when we will have to be strong, I feel that I must be the strongest to help support those who are even closer to it than I (specifically, Michelle). I know I can do it but I must make sure to control my patience and look inside for calm.

"If you let cloudy water settle, it will become clear. If you let your upset mind settle, you course will also become clear." - His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

May 09, 2007

Not much today. I am still just as confused as ever about the motivation of high school freshmen. That is, lack of motivation. And then, the attitude they get when they are called out on it.

Michelle left today for Boston where her mom is getting another opinion on her diagnosis and potential options for future treatment. This is the first time that Evan and I have been without Michelle AND that he has to go to school. This is going to pose some logistical complications. I can not drop Evan off to school until 10 minutes before my first class begins (which is fortunately 2nd period!). If his school was only 5 minutes away, it wouldn't be a problem. But since it is more like a half an hour, it will be a bit more difficult. But fortunately we have friends like Dan and Wendy who offered to assist. Dan is going to be here in the morning by 8am so that I can leave for work, and he will take Evan to school about half an hour later. We are infinitely appreciative of them helping us out.

"If you know the power of a generous heart, you will not let a single meal pass without giving to others." - the Buddha

May 08, 2007

I received a nice treat this morning. A student from my 4th period class brought me cupcakes. Yesterday, in an attempt to be fair to all my students, I explained that my family would be suffering some extra stress in the near future due to my mother-in-law's bout with cancer and I apologized in advance in case I am to be moody, grumpy, and so on. Before 1st period, I heard a knock on the door and the student was there with a tray of cupcakes. She said, "I remember going through something like this with my grandma and the only thing that made me happy was cupcakes. So I thought you might like some cupcakes to cheer you up." Now that has to be one of the sweetest things a student has ever done for me and my family.

After school today, I was messing with Evan, teasing him. I took off his sneaker and as we pulled into the drive way, I threw it out of the sunroof. He got angry, at least he said he was, sometimes it is hard to tell if he is really angry because he does it so poorly! Well, we continued to play around; he had an empty 20 oz. plastic drink bottle that he went to hit me with. I threatened him with taking away anything that had to do with television today if he hit me with it. Well, he hit me anyway. But what was more impressive was that after we were done playing around like that, he didn't go to the television, playstation, or genesis nomad, and I didn't even have to say anything. What he didn't realize was that I wasn't serious about it at that time, but he respected me and when he chose to disobey me, he still obeyed his consequence without being reminded. That is quite impressive for a 5 (almost 6) year old.

"In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers." - Fred Rogers

May 07, 2007

For an average day, I sure was busy! Since this weekend was exceptionally eventful, I arrived at work today having not prepared at all for the week - I hate feeling unprepared. Even though the students didn't notice I was unprepared, the I knew I wasn't so I was feeling quite stressed all day.

On a good note, I distributed interim reports today, 4 days early, and in all my classes there has been steady progress, especially regarding the number of students failing. That is, with each progress report, fewer and fewer students are failing. It seems that the students are beginning to figure out what to do to pass, even though I have been telling them all along - homework!

I also took the opportunity today to tell the classes about my mother-in-law's condition and that there is a lot of non-work related stress on me and that I will do my best to not show it, but I am sure that it will be inevitable.

Also, the county though it would be a good idea to have people from curriculum and instruction to audit ALL the schools in the county to day in order to make sure that all the teachers are teaching. I don't understand it, but I guess somebody needs some data for a report or something.

"I think the person who had had more experience of hardships can stand more firmly in the face of problems than the person who has never experienced suffering. From this angle then, some suffering can be a good lesson for life." - His Holiness, the Dalai Lama

May 06, 2007

I am a day late with this post, but yesterday was exceptionally busy for a Sunday. After breakfast with Rae, Charlotte, and Jack, we all went to BJ's to buy some things for a cookout with my parents, sister, brother and his family, and some friends. While we were shopping we received a phone call with bad news: my wife's mom's cancer has spread and is in the lining of her brain. Needless to say, it was not an easy day, and I do not forsee the upcoming days to be any easier.

May 05, 2007

Cinco de Mayo! OK, fine. My nephew turned 4 today, and conveniently, it was also his party. All went rather smoothly. Despite an overcast day, the rain held off until after the festivities were over. My parents and sister are here. It is always nice to have everyone together. But other than that, nothing Earth shattering. Brought a load of deck debris to the dump today, it had been sitting in my neighbor's trailer in his drive way for two weeks - when we tried to deliver it two weeks ago the dump was closed. Today was the first real day I had to go to the dump. I felt bad because I rang my neighbor's doorbell at 10am and I woke him up! Oops. I had mentioned to him earlier in the week that earlier on Saturday would be better for me because had a birthday party for my nephew at 11am. But when he hadn't knocked on my door by 10am, I thought I should knock on his.

May 04, 2007

Nothing all that exciting today. It was a teacher workday. I got to work almost two hours late, I volunteered to take my son to school (which is on the other side of the county). So by the time I fought through the other cars on the road it was 9:45 (I am supposed to be in on a workday at 8:00!). But that is ok, because I still put in my 8 hours, I didn't leave until 6:00.

The day did start a bit poorly. I thought it would be a nice change to take my son to school so my wife could go in early to catch up on her work, but instead it led to more frustration than it was worth. First, he dragged his heels about finishing his breakfast and getting dressed, and then he still had to finish a little project for school! And just as I was ready to walk out the door did I realize that I never made him lunch. I better get used to it, otherwise this summer break (while he is in year-round school) may seem longer than needs to be!

May 03, 2007

In the news today, a judge forbids the school system from converting 22 schools to year round next year. That will make the county 8,000 seats short. A shortfall that will need to be solved in the next 3 months unless an appeal reverses the judge's decision or the state legislature passes a law that will give the school board the authority to convert schools to year-round. The interest group that initiated the suit against the school system believes that year-round schools will cause irreperable harm to their students. Did they take into consideration the harm that will be caused if there are not enough seats for the students? How well will they learn in an over crowded classroom? One thing is for sure, when it is all said and done and student performance drops due to overcrowding, the same groups will blame the teachers.

http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/1378739/
http://www.newsobserver.com/100/story/570274.html

May 02, 2007

Just another average day. I am teaching about too much in too short a time, and who suffers? The students. For example, today when we discussed the difficulty of societies in parts of Africa to herd cattle due to the "sleping sickness" passed on by the tsetse fly, one student asked, "What do they eat?" This student couldn't figure out that there is more to eat than beef. Even when she told me what she ate that was not beef, she could not grasp the concept.

Just another average day.